Enjoy.
"Now this will be interesting to write about. I have been living in parallel worlds. My world in America is waiting for me to come back. It exists here, but it doesn’t really. Tori Elenburg and my Mom seem the most like reality to me, but even my own sisters seem like a small bit of my imagination, of a bit of my life that doesn’t belong to me, like maybe a part of a book that I read. How are they so far away? Out of sight, out of mind. At the same time, when I am talking to other exchange students or making plans for traveling or just living in the context of my calendar, my life, family, and friends here in Germany don’t really exist to me. They all turn into a temporary condition versus a year of my life. They become relatively less important and real. However, when I am laying down for bed at night and watching a movie or TV show on my computer, I lay down with a content little smile on my face, and every other problem in the world literally disappears and I go to bed forgetting about the problem that Jana and I are having or how I need to say “Thank You” to my host parents for such a wonderful weekend. Anytime I leave the house and get my break for a couple hours or so, everything slips away from me, and I come back in such a happy, go lucky attitude of everything is great until I walk in the front door and find out that things are where I left them....Well, the moral of the story is that I want to pack and slowly return back to that “alternate universe” in America that is waiting on me. I was asked once again today, “Wann fährst du? Freust du dich schon auf zu Hause?” The answer is really simple. “Duh. Es ist mein ‘zu Hause!’” Yesterday, I talked to Jordan and Sara on the phone. With Sara, I was cleaning out my stuff at the moment and she had mentioned how she had packed one suitcase already, then realized that she still needed all the stuff inside and ended up unpacking it. Jordan told me to just go ahead and do a rough pack where I could weigh everything. That seems like a good idea too. Seriously, will everything make it back home? What am I going to do when I get go home? Will I nail all of my college interviews and find my place at an Ivy League? Will I go to Stanford all smart and prepared? Will I come back and start showing Anna around Prosper and Dallas and be a good host sister? Will I start writing college essays and apply early decision? Will I have good class rank? There are so many unknowns and possibilities that I want to come true. Not like my ACT test or my PSAT where I didn’t really study and still did amazing, but I keep thinking now, couldn’t I have done better? Or do I just have this luck that opens up doors of possibilities to me? Haven’t I always worked it out in the end? Or is confidence going to kill me?"
I am going to elaborate on the last one, although I am ready to go home and it is my “zu Hause,” I’ve made myself a “zu Hause” here. I have sat down and talked to my mom multiple times and after telling her about what I did the last weekend with my last huge smile and sigh of contentment, she’ll suggest, “So are you ready to come home from all your adventures, Lissa?” Then I can laugh a little bit and protest, “No!... Can all my worlds just combine? Fuse into one? That would be a lot easier nowadays!” Truthfully, I know when I am going back to America: June 23rd. I’ll be with my family on June 25th and back in Prosper for a couple days around July 7th. However, I have no clue the next time that I’ll be in Germany or I’ll see any of these people again and that, I can honestly say, scares me.
So… are the Germans are going to America or are the Americans coming to Germany? J
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