Motto Woche

It’s is already been pretty well established that German school is different than American schools. The German school system proved just how different it was after I curiously say the words “Motto Woche” written across the entire week from March 22-26 on Jana’s column of the family calendar. I’ll try to explain a little bit about the system first.

(One of our buildings)

So for starters, every German must attend school from the ages of 6 to 16. This rules out all possibilities for high school dropouts and such, which is great; but it also bans things like “homeschooling.” First Germans will begin with putting their children into Kindergarten, which is unlike how us, Americans, use the word, because here it refers to provided daycare that might start at 2 or 3 years old, and is not in connection to a school. Parents will work to get their children spots in Kindergarten, but most are very cautious about how many hours a day their children will be there, and if the environment is pedagogically suitable. Germany actually has a very good Kindergarten program from what I have heard in comparison to other countries; on top of that, where the DDR used to exist in Eastern Germany, the Kindergartens were organized even better so every parent could work to maximize efficiency.

Around the age of 6 years old, parents will start looking for a proper Grundschule  (meaning “basic school”) for their children to attend through 4^th grade. Normally, the school will be somewhat near their house, which will change later. Kids will attend Grundschule and form the basics of their knowledge. The school day will end around 2:00PM everyday, and they’ll go home to eat a warm lunch with their family. My experience isn’t very good with the Grundschule system, because there are just teenagers in my host home.

At the end of 4^th grade, the teachers will look at each child’s grades and talk to their parents before putting forth a recommendation for what school the student should attend: Hauptschule, Realschule, Gesamtschule, or Gymansium. Hauptschule will be preparing students for a job in the real world, versus preparing them to go to a university, learning at a slower rate until 9^th grade. A student in Realschule will experience the same materials as a student at a Hauptschule, but will learn until 10^th grade and will learn at a slightly quicker rate. A Gesamtschule, which literally means “together school” is a school consisting of kids from every level of the German schooling system, so this would resemble more of an American High School with classes at different levels for different kinds of thinkers.  Then, last but definitely not least, comes the German Gymnasium. If you are selected to learn at a Gymnasium, that means you are going somewhere in life. Your parents probably had a good education and have a study job and so will you. Students can complete Realschule then go further in their education and step it up to Gymnasium, but that will mean a lot of hard work because they have been learning on different levels. When you attend a Gymnasium, you’ll be there from 5^th until 13^th (yes, 13^th) grade, and in this time, you’ll choose “majors” or Leistungskurs in high school and all of this learning will come down to a final exam: Abitur.

The Abitur is a huge test that is enough to scare anyone into weeks of uninterrupted learning. It is a grade that defines your schooling career, and it is the equivalent of an American GPA and SAT and ACT scores all put together. You won’t forget it. A final Abitur grade will decide which college your going to attend, what subject material, and your future as a whole. So, to sum it all up, this is a really important thing. The 13^th Graders will have their last day of school on April 16^th, then spend the rest of the time at home studying and learning for these huge subject tests, which they’ll take on three different days until the end of June. To commemorate the Abitur, there are parties to raise money, a yearbook, t-shirts, a slogan, and a final dance as a congratulation. We just experienced Motto Woche, which was a week of craziness designed by the 13^th graders, where they danced on tables, showed up to school crazily dressed, orchestrated games during our breaks between all the different grades, and ended it off by revealing their Motto: Suit Up, It’s GonnA BI Legendary. : ) It was a hilarious experience.

 (13th Graders dancing on our tables during the breaks)

On the down side, I go to school with already some of Germany’s “Smartest.” You miss the contributions and comments that one enjoys in a normal high school, because there isn’t as much of a variety of intellect. However, there is a lot more freedom and trust given to students: beginning in 11^th grade, you can leave the school during your breaks, and once you turn 18, you are fully responsible for yourself and can sign your own absence slips. Our classes are more arranged like at a college, so classes meet during specific days of the week, in different time blocks, in different classrooms. There is no “lunch” period in school, but most teachers are okay with a little snacking in class. It’s also not a problem considering the average school day is out at 2:00PM.

1^st Period- 8:00-9:00

2^nd Period- 9:10-10:10

3^rd Period- 10:30-11:30

4^th Period- 11:40-12:40

5^th Period- 1:00-2:00

7^th Period- 3:00-4:00

As for how our schedules work, students will concentrate their learning on either the Natural Sciences or Foreign Languages and will take multiple science classes or multiple foreign languages (English is considered mandatory no matter what, and not ‘foreign.’) Classes such as German, Math, History/Geography, English, Biology/Chemistry/Physics, Sport, Music/Art, Spanish/Latin/French, Philosophy, and Computer Science are offered at my school. The average student will have somewhere around 23 hours of school a week and might stay after school for concentrated study in a particular subject during the 7^th Period. Now in preparation for the end of the German schooling, Abitur, the house is pretty quiet, but the German school system is still a thing to marvel at. 

Auschwitz...

Yesterday, I was walking out of dance class, and I told a group of little girls to have a good Easter break. One of the little girls stops and says, “You speak funny!” I laugh a little then start to explain, “That is because I am from America, and we speak English there.” She contemplated it for about two seconds then looked at me resolutely, “No, you just speak funny.”

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One week ago today, I was in Poland and packing my bags to come back to Germany. We were there visiting the Auschwitz concentration camp, a very significant camp in the Holocaust, and we had seen so much in our short six days there that I hope I will never forget and take with me. Since we’ve been back, we all hear the question: “How was it?” How do you describe one of those places without getting into a full debate? My standard answer: “I learned a lot.” A couple of the teachers just don’t seem to grasp the concept of what we were doing: “Was your trip wholesome?” (a teacher used the words ‘wholesome!’) “How was Cracow?” (like it was just a sightseeing trip!) Well, I honestly think that a person can’t have appreciated Auschwitz, and everything we saw unless they put it into perspective. I tried to do just that.

Excerpt from my journal:

“So the day began with a trip to Auschwitz-Birkenau, and from the first glance, it looked exactly what I had imagined a concentration camp looked like, which Auschwitz had proved wrong the day before, except for the buses of Israelis pouring out, wearing their blue and white flag (with Jewish star) proudly. The camp was huge, bare, muted, the miles of barbed wire stuck out in the middle of nowhere, hardly any trees shielded the prisoners from the summer sun and the paths were large puddles, where even with mats on the ground, shoes were soaking wet. My group of Germans kept looking at the Israelis, waving these ridiculous flags and the world “unangenehm” or “unpleasant” kept being said over and over again, as they would whisper more quietly in German as the star of David passed by and they (the Israelis) posed for photos with their flags at every possible place. I debated speaking English loudly to ease the tensions and establish us as Americans, granted, it wasn’t at all that serious. Just “unangenehm.” We walked up to the main watchtower and the sounds of clunking military boots filled my ears, they ducked under the same low walkways that we did. They looked out across the squared miles of people, starving and dying, and just saw justice. I tried to imagine the grounds full of starving people; I just felt a mass of burden. The tour continued into a horses stable built for 52 horses that, instead, held anywhere from 400 to 800 or 1000 Jews. Unangenehm. The thin wood walls were a joke and the slats of the “beds” couldn’t have handled the weight of a normal person. One fireplace should warmed the entire place from one corner, for the minimal time it was on. We walked the grounds, and it was easier for me to imagine a new line of train cars coming in with confused people. Prisoners stood to one side to take people’s belongings to the “Canadas” and the officers were yelling loudly: “Frauen und Kinder links and Männer rechts!” (We stood at the railroad tracks and looked at a lone, old car that was ironically a gift from Germany) Dr. Mengele stood at the front and motioned simple with his thumb whether the people were in good enough condition to work. The elderly, children, and too weak were reassured of the thought of a nice “shower” as they were lead to gas chambers/crematoriums. (We saw the ruins of 5 burned down combination building that had been used to kill 70-75% of the people that came, who were never even prisoners) The German officers reminded them to remember what numbered hook they had left their stuff at as they were huddled into a room and they look expectedly at the fake shower heads. What a though out story, less than 20 minutes later, fellow prisoners were shoving them into the crematoriums, praying to not recognize one of the motionless faces. (Up to 2,000 people could meet this fate at one time) On the other hand, the stronger people were being herded into a “sauna,” where they were being forced to strip, and officers searched for weak people/pregnant women that they had overlooked earlier. (We stood in the large opening room on a newly built glass walkway for preservation) Fellow prisoners searched through their belongings and tried to smuggle valuable goods for trading later (we looked in the room with displayed suitcases, clothing, hairbrushes, money, watches, and photos) They, then, caught glimpse of a sign above the doorway: Haarschneiderei. SS officers brutally cut off all hair on people’s bodies, hastily, mocking, and jeering. Their skins were also burned with needles, numbers replaced names. (The room couldn’t have been half of the size of our den back at home, and my imagination flicked back to the enormous pile of hair discovered at the Stammlager.) They continued walking, still humiliated and naked, bare, exposed. The showers were at least something to look forward to, until they were shoved in the next large room and freezing cold or scalding hot water seared their skins. The assembly line continued. They were directed to a “drying room,” where they had to wait for clothes to be disinfected by other prisoners from steam or hot water. (We walked past the big machines. “Desinfizierte Wäsche” could be read above the door) Finally, the prisoners were beat and screamed at until they were in the last room, where they received the new clothes and the fresh tattoo still burned the skin. A new identity and the beginning of a new life was given to them (or a lack of one.)

Our stay in the Polish town of Oświęcim, also known as the German name “Auschwitz,” we learned a lot. We stayed in “The Center of Dialogue and Prayer,” which was less than a five minute walk away from Auschwitz I, the Stammlager. I remember my first sight of the camp from our bus from the airport, my stomach felt sick, looking at the old brick buildings. The Stammlager has been turned into a museum now, and a person walks through exhibits about Prisoner Life, the beginning of the War, Proof of War Crimes, Living Conditions, Starvation, and so much more. But in the midst of all these glass cases and carefully laid out exhibitions, you forget that you’re standing in a block where people previously laid there and died every night. You just have to remind yourself. Several countries have also set up exhibitions, using one of the blocks, honoring the victims in their country that suffered from the Holocaust and telling their story of what happened. These exhibits include an interesting, very orange one from Hungary; one from Poland that gave me the creeps and made me feel like I shouldn’t be there; one from Israel that did the exact same thing; one from Italy where you walked on a walkway through a winding cloth telling their story of the Holocaust; one from the Netherlands that was just too bright and welcoming (the thought that you were in a block was unimaginable); a interesting, mission like one from France where shadows were painted all over the walls; a bright, white one from Belgium made in 5 or 6 languages; and a couple others. It was interesting, because each country had control of their exhibit, so a couple like Austria made it appear like they had fought against Hitler’s powers so much and how they had been such an innocent ‘victim.’

There is so much more to say about Auschwitz. In our time there, we went to all three Auschwitz camps, received three hour tours in both Auschwitz I and Auschwitz II- Birkenau; we met a Polish Holocaust survivor who had the most luck during the entire experience; we went to a art exhibit from a man who survived the Holocaust and spent years painting his experience; we visited the Jewish Synagogue, museum, and graveyard in the town of Auschwitz; we went to the city of Cracow for a day; and we had hours and hours of group discussions where we discussed if Auschwitz was “a state of mind, a cemetery or a museum” or if , as a German, a person should feel “shame, anger, or sadness.” Sitting as the only American in the group, it was so interesting listening to their answers and their completely different perspective than mine. I gave a presentation on what Americans learn about the Holocaust, (thanks to the people that helped!) and I was shocked to learn that they hadn’t learned about the Holocaust in school yet. They are supposed to cover it in 10^th grade then again in 12^th or 13^th grade, but their teacher ran out of time. Can you believe going to Auschwitz and not knowing all of the history? We got our first introduction to the Holocaust around 3^rd grade after reading an edit version of Anne Frank’s Diary or Under the Stars, then again in 8^th grade where we read the play of Anne Frank’s Diary and Night and did these outrageous huge reports on the Holocaust that required so much research, then they are covering the Holocaust right now again in US History. We learn. I couldn’t fathom it. Although most kids had looked up quite a bit of information on their own and asked their grandparents, it was still shocking.

All in all, Auschwitz was a great experience, and I can honestly say that I learned so much. I thought of what a crazy mess the world is in and how we are killing our environment all the time and there are all the wars and insane people and how it seems like Revelations but happen any day. Then I remember during the Holocaust how the world must have looked to them when the entire world was literally fighting each other and millions of people were dying because of something they had no choice over. Now in history we are learning about the French Revolution, and I think in the same lines, how insane must have the world looked to them when people were running past uncontrollable with people for the guillotine. The world always seems pretty insane, doesn’t it? How do we take what we learned from over 6,000,000 deaths in the Holocaust (1,300,000 just from Auschwitz) and translate that into the people dying unjustly all over the world today… What have we learned? What do we do?

Write, Woman, Write.

 Funnily enough, when I say the word "woman" like that in a sentence, Billy from CBYX pops into my head, and it makes me laugh. That begins this story time to describe the last month...

BACKGROUND INFORMATION: My exchange organization is having a big meeting in June with the German Bundestag to say "thank you" and show them what we have learned. Our group is supposed to put something artistic together, so the idea came up, "Why not do a tango? Wasn't that important for us? We danced quite a bit in Hedersleben..." So we started practicing once in January at our CBYX meeting in Köln.

Now, back to present-day last weekend, Billy (a boy in the exchange program) came up to Aachen to practice the tango. What a nice morning taking salsa lessons and getting to learn great new people at a new dance studio, then them asking for me and Billy to show off what we could do. Thankfully, they knew pretty much no tango, so whatever we did looked pretty cool. It wasn't long later that we started using our time better to practice, and we started dreaming the impossible: "Wait! Maybe, I can do this and then you can do that and then we can both do this and go here and that gets us here in angle to the audience, and that sets up to do that trick that we thought of earlier- do you remember that?- Yep, sound good?" But just dancing the tango again was so much fun. Fits of laughter would ensue when I would step back and think about me dancing in front of the German government in just three short months. Yeah.... This will be fun. Anne came and joined us in our dancing, and she learned my part of the dance, and Billy's, then I learned Billy's part of the dance, and he learned mine, and in the end, we were just all having fun dancing. It was tons of laughing, Nutella eating, and dancing. Just a great evening and a ridiculous total of 10+ hours of dancing.

However, Sunday was spent packing for Poland. Walking through Tango steps. Throwing the snow boots into the bag for Poland. Pulling my bright yellow converse out for the spring weather here. Finding  three new bruises around my right knee from the previous day's dancing. Searching for medical insurance paper. Writing handouts for presentation. Forcing Germans to stay awake way past their bed time. Laying in bed. Thinking nervously. Drifting off. Waking up to bright light at 2:00AM. Putting bags in the car. Arriving at train station. Seeing group of sleep deprived teenagers.

NEXT BLOG: POLAND

CBYXers '09-'10

6 Months.

Since yesterday, I have been in Germany for 6 months. Technically, I've been on an exchange for 6 months. Today would be my official 6 month of being in Germany, considering my plane didn't arrive into Germany until August 17, 2010. Oh my goodness, isn't that quite a bit of time? I think so. I left everything I knew 6 months ago: my family, my friends, my home, every sense of familiarity I had for something completely new in the sense of adventure... and an "adventure" has it been.

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I must say, I am a member of a cult. This is the most selective cult out there, going worldwide. Truthfully, once you're in, there really is no going back no matter where you go or even if you lose the purpose of the cult. The cult is always still behind you. When it seems like no one really can even begin to understand what you're going through or those things that you just can't seem to get out in the open with anyone else: a member of the cult will always be a great confidant. Although you should be warned, once one person has been told, there has been evidence that the stories tend to spread within the cult quite a bit. Now this cult operates under a couple names, but the most easily identified with is known as CBYXers (for the exchange year of '09-'10).

I have asked my sisters if their years were like this, and I don't think they honestly were. I don't know if they can understand exactly the extent to which our bond is at. Back on the first day of my "adventure," I sat in an airport in Washington DC, meeting these other exchange students from the southwestern part of America for the first time. Even 6 months later, I can tell you exactly who I was sitting next to in the beginning: Jordan, Alan, Lyle, Dylan, Billy, Katelyn, Kate, Nick, and Tiffany. Tiffany, Katelyn, and I had made it through the Washington DC airport together as we had all gotten on the same plane and Dallas and recognized each other as teenagers with tons of suitcases, saying 'goodbye' to family and friends. The story just began... Now (6 months later), I can honestly say that I have gotten crying phone calls from other exchange students about what is going on and the situation, and I can even honestly say that I have called other exchange students bawling about what is going on with me and my situation. I found myself on the phone yesterday afternoon, coming up with bad metaphors about the American government and the new exchange legislation (the exchange students cost school districts money, so they are trying to minimize exchange thus save money) 

"If your arm hurts, do you cut off your leg?" 

"... What?"

 "Okay, let's say the American government has a porn problem, and it is making them broke. They are going to cut their bill $2 every month and stop buying vitamins instead of stopping buying porn, which when they stop buying the vitamins, they might have cost themselves more money because they'll have to go to the doctor later in the end! Exchange is a piece of peace and understanding that will help in the future!"

"... Lissa, how long have you been waiting to use porn problems in a metaphor about our government?"

"I don't know, the inspiration just came to me!"

I know that when I was in Köln once again with all the other exchange students, (although we are missing 6 students now for various reasons!) I felt so entirely comfortable being with them again and hearing about their stories that no one would have been able to guess at something that I had pointed out to a couple exchange students: I had missed them longer than I had known them. After only knowing each other for a month, then going off on our separate ways for 4 months before seeing most of each other again. More proof: In October, me and two other exchange girls living in the area met up and had a slumber party. None of us had been friends in language camp, but after a month apart, we spent the night together happily and talked to each other when things weren't going the way we planned or if the stress felt like a little too much sometimes. Trust circle.

I am sorry that I am not a good person with my blog and don't talk about the German traditions too much or elaborate on the meanings of Karneval and the Karneval celebrations, but these are the thoughts that have been swirling around my head lately: my little exchange cult.

ich habe keine Ahnung...

I really don't know what I am doing right now... but updating didn't seem like such a bad idea. : )

So it is Sunday morning, I heard the birds chirping the other day for the first time in, what felt like, forever. On Monday, we received the most snow that Aachen has gotten in over 25 years! Isn't that insane? I still made my way to Volleyball practice Monday night because I just had to walk, but a lot of people were snowed in... we still had school. Silly, huh? Well, by Wednesday most of the snow had melted away and on Thursday, I was already walking home slowly from my bus stop, holding my huge puffy jacket in my hands and enjoying the nice, warm 48°F. In October, when the weather started turning that cold, I would have protested and been pulling out layers and scarves, now my Texas inner-thermostat has apparently readjusted. Now, the snow lays in little piles, but it melts away slowly...

I read someone else's blog and their description of January and what a hard month it was, which is completely understandable. Now, we are in the beginning of February, and it already holds a little promise as a new beginning of a new month. The days are a little longer: I get an extra 3 minutes of sun every single day. : ) I've been trying to keep extremely busy, this weekend was full of plans: Thursday- Movies with Friends. Friday- Dancing with a group of friends from Dance. Saturday- Café with other Friends. Sunday- Raclette with Friends. Hopefully, everything that is keeping me busy will keep me out of trouble too, but I must say, the past two nights have been relatively disturbing. The past two nights, I have dreamt of home. Of Prosper. Of my family and friends. That really doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is a great day, very happy, and when I dream of my family, I can't sleep. I wake up so many times in the middle of the night that it doesn't really feel like I ever am getting any actual sleep. A part from that, after dreaming in English, my German feels like mush in my mouth when I try to pronounce everything. I am more aware of my errors than anyone else, and it is one of these things like, "Come on, I know this stuff." Bad dreams leads to bad German. : ( I've had so many odd and vivid dreams containing my family: last night, it was me and my sisters and some bad guy was after us and tried to get us, so I turned back the time to when I was 5 but I still had the brain of a 16 year old, so it was really weird. In my dream, I took pictures of a 7 year old Tori, swinging on the back porch, laughing happily... Isn't that odd? I wake up so confused, because I know I am in a completely different place... Hmmm... Thought provoking.

Karneval is next week! It is coming soon! Karneval is the huge German version of Mardis Gras, and it officially started back in November, but it is about to really get under way, starting with "Fettdonnerstag." (Fat Thursday) We get off of school Thursday, Friday, Monday, and Tuesday to celebrate Karneval properly which includes tons of parades, costumes, balls, and traditions that I can't wait to take part in! I guess I can't really describe it until I have tried it. No worries, I'll let you know later what all happens. ; ) For my costume: I am proudly dressing up as a cowgirl! I never got to be a cowgirl in Texas, so why not be a Texan cowgirl in Germany? : ) Kristina was also a cowgirl when she was an exchange student, so that makes me laugh. Okay, well off to go do something... Not sure, but we'll see. There was so much I wanted to say, but it all just slipped through my fingers.

Guten Morgen.

Splish. Splash. Sploosh. Skid. Slurp.

(I tried fairly hard to figure out a way to convey the sound of walking in snow... but not just snow: snow that had slightly melted and refrozen in some parts. That is the most dangerous thing out there! Do NOT underestimate the danger lurking at every corner! Especially, when your name happens to be Lissa.) 

Running down the snow covered sidewalks with freshly painted water colors for Art class, I see two kids from school in front of me and immediately feel a little relieved. I couldn't be that late if they were there. I finally start slowing down from running and then "WOOSH!" My legs come out from underneath me; and the next thing I know, I am sitting on the sidewalk floor with a, now, wet butt and two messed up paintings.

"Lissa?"

"Ja... Guten Morgen."

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I've definitely had better days. This last week since coming back from Köln has been a little crazy and very unpredictable. For instance, check out my school schedule from last week:

Monday--> No School (coming home from Köln)

Tuesday--> Math and Religion. (We only had our first three classes so we could talk to teachers later, then my third period "fell out")

Wednesday--> Physics (Normal Wednesday is only three classes, but my other two "fell out")

Thursday--> Biology, Spanish, English (Two other classes "fell out")

Friday--> Math, Art (We only had our first two classes, so then we could get our grades and new schedules for the next half of the year)

Do you see why my life has been a little... out of the norm? Even if just in school alone? I normally go the entire week without a single class falling out!

Old Lissa and her American Laugh

Here is a side note: I enjoy singing and dancing with my iPod. When I am in a place and not worried about what other people think (aka. a train station) I don't worry about it and subconsciously start doing both.

Standing in the train station waiting for my train to finally come, I had my iPod just like normal. Then there was a really good Culcha Candela song... I start bobbing my head, mouthing the words, then full on dancing and quietly singing, and I turn around still dancing and I see a boy from school standing there a smiling at me, trying really, really hard not to laugh. I started laughing for him and pulled out my headphones, smiling: "So! Wie geht's?"

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So this weekend was an amazing weekend: five days full of laughs, tango, museums, English, old jokes, Poker, döners, and Americans. : ) Really, a beautiful weekend. I went to my first three classes on Thursday, blew through my presentation on children in the Middle Ages, then happily ran around screaming goodbyes and hugs as I went home to grab my suitcase for Köln and took a small hiking backpack happily onto the train. I met Anne in Düren, and we oozed with happiness and excitement the entire way there. I literally couldn't shut up. We already started laughing and imagining the prospects waiting in store for us in Köln. It was going to a different world, away from host families and German high school and fumbling over grammatical errors.

We made it Köln and met everyone in the Starbucks in the train station, already with 15 of there, we all talked about Köln. A lot of people just weren't looking forward to it, I still can't understand that. Seeing everyone at the Jugendherberge (Youth Hostile) was awesome. Every new arrival was screams and hugs galore! I saw Tiffany vaguely down the hallways and took off sprinting, Josh entered with guitar in hand and I almost put my knee through his guitar hugging him too hard, Dylan came and I immediately left the dinner line to greet him. I was so excited. I sat around and talked with people Thursday night, talking about our year and loving hearing everyone's German. It was so interesting to think that I had looked at these people in such an awe, when they had spoken German to me four months before. Gerd's speeches used to be a time when only two words in a ten minute talk would stick out to me, his first speech to us: I understood everything! EVERYTHING! Every freakin' word! I looked around the table during our first meeting, and everyone's face was such a comfort to me. I could start talking with any one of those people, and I had missed them so much in those four months, but the 6 empty spots at the conference table were unavoidably empty. Laying in Tiffany's bed Thursday night just brought so many smiles to my face as I realized I had just been at this place for 6 hours and I was already running on the highest energies.

Friday was a day in Bonn. I woke up and walked groggily back to my room, throwing on my Texan shirt from Tori E, it had been a great Christmas present. We ran around Bonn, running into stores and assimilating new wardrobes for the boys. My small group didn't see any of the museums, but as a group, we went to the Haus der Geschichte. : ) It had all the history of the Bundesrepublik Deutschland, which is now known simply as Germany. We were supposed to have a tour group in English and one in German, most people wanted German, so we ended up having both groups in German. It was insane. At the beginning of the tour, I was sitting there and absentmindedly listening then a thought occurred to me, "Holy crap, she is speaking German, and I am understanding all of it... That is cool!" I bought a ridiculously huge and heavy book, leaving the museum. That won't be any fun on the airplane, but I already sat down and read some of it last night, enjoying all the information. Friday night was great coming back, I wasn't allowed to join an all boys poker game, so I sat and talked with the girls.

Saturday was a day for seeing Köln! We got up and began the day with walking down the Rhein on our way to the city where we could spend our time doing what we want and going where we want. I must say, every time I see that Köln Dom, my mind jumps to that little model that has been sitting on our breakfast table for five years. I think of all the times that I absentmindedly played with it and ran my fingers around the two towers that dominated the Köln skyline. Every time I am now in the Dom, I look up and around me, and think back to how small our little model is, and I just soak in what it means to stand in this building. Me and Tiffany ran into the famous chocolate museum in Köln! I have heard so much about this place and have never gotten to see it until then! We had heard the warnings about how boring it was, but once we got to the factory part where you saw exactly how the chocolate was made... Not at all boring then. : ) And there was yummy samples! They also had a rainforest set up, so you could see the environment that the cocoa beans grow in and there was the history of chocolate and it's uses. I liked it, and I really liked the bag of very expensive truffles we bought. : ) We came back and sat through a ridiculously long seminar on the rules of our exchange and why those rules exist. Then I came back and had a difficult conversation and was surprised to see how it felt when I got what I wanted. Before I could breathe and accept what even happened, I was pulled out and on a search for tango lessons. It was great just running around and getting my mind off of things. Then even sitting down and listening to people picking at a guitar again, and hugging people just to figure out the theory of hugging, and listening patiently to rules of poker and seeing it all come down to just memorizing the paper of worths. We even got a permit to stay up past curfew for this poker party, the room was rearranged, furniture brought in, someone on drink duty. Talk about legit. I am now ready to play Dustin and Ricky back in Prosper. Bring it on, boys. : ) I was excited for every distraction, and it was just a great day.

Sunday: I got up early and made my way to the Dom for church, it seemed like a once in a lifetime thing. I was shivering the entire time. They do not put heaters in churches that are hundreds of years old! We went back for a huge seminar in the afternoon, already talking about going home and a Berlin seminar in June. I'll be in Berlin in 4 and a half months... I am excited! It was fun just hearing about the future and moving forward. I got my German test from the day before, we were supposed to see how we've improved. I was very satisfied with my test. : ) We made our plans for the evening and went out into the city. Literally skipping in the city and ducking into a place with Karneval music on loop, it was great talking to Billy, Dylan, and Sara. We even started dancing the tango to the Karneval music just because we could. We came back and danced Tango from 9:00 - 11:00, until it was decided that as long as we weren't screaming in the hallways anymore, we could stay up and curfew was nonexistent. Around midnight, we picked up dancing the tango again in the lobby. It was after 3:00 AM before the thought of stopping even occurred because our limbs were getting to tired to handle the five point tango. We were practicing for performing for the Bundestag in June! It will be a lot of work to put together, because we all live in pretty different parts of Germany, but it was still great. It was funny how once you did something that just had sounded so awkward and horrible, then you felt like you were doing the dance right and every move seemed to come easier, it flowed. I fell asleep in mid-sentence talking to Cazaria sometime around 4:00 AM. I was worn out.

Monday: Getting up was difficult. Watching everyone leave felt like the oddest thing ever. When would we see each other again? June? That's too far away. A group of us postponed our trains and went around discovering Köln. We went to a cafe and sat and talked as I almost fell asleep in my little chair, sipping tea. We even danced the tango a little bit in the cafe, working through ideas of what would work to dance in front of the German government of all people! We continued walking around Köln. We found the coolest store ever! You have got to see my Facebook photos if you haven't already! This outdoor store began with just being huge and having a huge pool to test canoes, kayaks, and diving gear. Then walking around and seeing all the cool things: an ice room with a thermal camera, ice chairs with pelts, and a wind machine to test winter jackets; a shower-looking like room where you could put on the water proof gear and just turn on the rain, there was wind there too to make a storm, but we couldn't figure it out (we danced the tango in the rain, technically); then there was a little aquarium filled with jelly fish; a rock climbing walkway, completely glass, where you could try out their shoes; and just so much more! I wanted to buy a nice hiking backpack and a tent so bad and just go on an adventure... I do want to do that more, truthfully. Finally, sitting on the train on my way home came with the weirdest feeling ever. "Back to school. Back to life. Away from the world that doesn't really exist in any other world." I had a great weekend and came back to an overflowing inbox with some of the weirdest news: my world kept going even though I had put it on pause coming to Germany than my German world kept on going when I left Aachen for Köln.

• Bonnie died, my dog since I don't know when, at least 12 years... I still can't believe it. Her cute brown eyes. Her cautious behavior. Her excited run when she saw our car pulling in the driveway. How she treated me like I was still the baby in the house, getting into trouble. I can't imagine going home and not seeing her there. I think my mind is still accepting it as a cruel joke or accepted it as the truth a lot better than I can imagine.
• My family in America is getting a German exchange student next year. I knew that a little while before, but it wasn't exactly official yet. We're getting a girl that actually doesn't live too far away from me here. We've emailed, and I would like to see her soon.
• Colleges still emailing me about my looming senior year and where I will be applying.

I may be here, but my life sure as heck isn't stopping and waiting for me.